Lack of sleep, crazy thoughts, and other ramblings.

It seems as though many of my closest friends and family are having newborns left and right. It immediately makes me feel empathy and compassion for what these new parents (let's be real here, what these new mamas) are about to embark on. And that is sleep deprivation.

Sleep deprivation is the root of all evil. Nothing compares to the lack of sleep a new mom experiences those first few months. It drove me mad! I had always heard, "Oh, you'll never sleep again," but naively thought that my future children would be sleeping angels. WRONG. I honestly do not know how new parents function. I really don't. Pure adrenaline? I remember going to sleep each night knowing fully well I would have to wake up in 2-3 hours, and then again in 2-3 hours, and it would be freaking Groundhog's Day every day. I was in my own personal hell. My own level of Dante's Inferno. The Crime: sexy time. The Punishment: no sleep, FOREVER.

Okay, I'm being a bit melodramatic. But my boys didn't solidly sleep until about 6 months. So yeah, those first 6 months tested my sanity. Family members would once in a while come over and tell me to go take a nap, but I never actually could. It didn't matter if I was across the house and had earbuds in, if one of the the boys woke up, I could FEEL it. Damn you mother-son connections! I will never sleep again as long as a child is awake.

Anyways, words cannot express to you how much I used to enjoy my sleep. Put it this way--when I was in kindergarten, my mom specifically had them take me out of class after lunch to go take a nap with the preschoolers. And I would willingly do it! I could sleep anywhere! On a couch, in a stranger's home, in the car, on the airport floor. Anywhere! And for a long period of time! In high school, I could easily sleep 10-12 hours every night. I LOVED SLEEPING.

After having kids? Oh, it's turned to absolute crap. Even if I'm on vacation, far far away from my kids, I will wake up 2-3 times during the night, and usually cannot sleep past 7AM. It suuuuuucks. I miss sleeping. I miss feeling fully rested. Do I get more sleep than when the boys were first born? Absolutely! I hope it stays that way too!

Anyways, I digress. The older the boys get, the more I'm back on track to sleeping better. So when these new mommies come along with their babies, I immediately remember those hellish months and logically tell myself, "Never again". But then, the new mommies will hand me their babies. And. I. Melt. Into. A. Giant. Puddle. Of. Emotion.

While holding them, I instantly forget about EVERYTHING I've just mentioned. I suddenly get this wild urge to make hundreds of these tiny, vulnerable, adorably cute, and precious creatures! My ovaries start screaming for me to get to it! It's insanity I tell you!

My brain is like, "STFU you moron! That time period was pure misery!" And my heart is like, "But look at all of that innocence and beauty. You didn't cherish it enough, so you should make another one! Or twelve!"

What is this, universe?! Ask me to hold a newborn 3 years ago (pre-twin days), and I would have awkwardly stood there, holding a child, counting down the minutes until someone relinquished me from such a duty. Now, after having children, I feel like there's some weird chemical inside of me that releases stupidity once I hold a baby. I throw all logic out the window and want to procreate.

Proof of my insanity. 

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you shouldn't have me near your babies. I say this as I'm on my way to go visit one actually (and she's a stinking cutie, by the way!). I need like a support group or something. Help! Please!!! Keep me away from your newborns. I don't need anymore children or these insane thoughts. Or maybe I could just get a puppy or something...

P.S. My sister is due with my first niece this September. I'm going to need to write like "No-more-babies" affirmations on my mirror or something!