Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Lack of sleep, crazy thoughts, and other ramblings.

It seems as though many of my closest friends and family are having newborns left and right. It immediately makes me feel empathy and compassion for what these new parents (let's be real here, what these new mamas) are about to embark on. And that is sleep deprivation.

Sleep deprivation is the root of all evil. Nothing compares to the lack of sleep a new mom experiences those first few months. It drove me mad! I had always heard, "Oh, you'll never sleep again," but naively thought that my future children would be sleeping angels. WRONG. I honestly do not know how new parents function. I really don't. Pure adrenaline? I remember going to sleep each night knowing fully well I would have to wake up in 2-3 hours, and then again in 2-3 hours, and it would be freaking Groundhog's Day every day. I was in my own personal hell. My own level of Dante's Inferno. The Crime: sexy time. The Punishment: no sleep, FOREVER.

Okay, I'm being a bit melodramatic. But my boys didn't solidly sleep until about 6 months. So yeah, those first 6 months tested my sanity. Family members would once in a while come over and tell me to go take a nap, but I never actually could. It didn't matter if I was across the house and had earbuds in, if one of the the boys woke up, I could FEEL it. Damn you mother-son connections! I will never sleep again as long as a child is awake.

Anyways, words cannot express to you how much I used to enjoy my sleep. Put it this way--when I was in kindergarten, my mom specifically had them take me out of class after lunch to go take a nap with the preschoolers. And I would willingly do it! I could sleep anywhere! On a couch, in a stranger's home, in the car, on the airport floor. Anywhere! And for a long period of time! In high school, I could easily sleep 10-12 hours every night. I LOVED SLEEPING.

After having kids? Oh, it's turned to absolute crap. Even if I'm on vacation, far far away from my kids, I will wake up 2-3 times during the night, and usually cannot sleep past 7AM. It suuuuuucks. I miss sleeping. I miss feeling fully rested. Do I get more sleep than when the boys were first born? Absolutely! I hope it stays that way too!

Anyways, I digress. The older the boys get, the more I'm back on track to sleeping better. So when these new mommies come along with their babies, I immediately remember those hellish months and logically tell myself, "Never again". But then, the new mommies will hand me their babies. And. I. Melt. Into. A. Giant. Puddle. Of. Emotion.

While holding them, I instantly forget about EVERYTHING I've just mentioned. I suddenly get this wild urge to make hundreds of these tiny, vulnerable, adorably cute, and precious creatures! My ovaries start screaming for me to get to it! It's insanity I tell you!

My brain is like, "STFU you moron! That time period was pure misery!" And my heart is like, "But look at all of that innocence and beauty. You didn't cherish it enough, so you should make another one! Or twelve!"

What is this, universe?! Ask me to hold a newborn 3 years ago (pre-twin days), and I would have awkwardly stood there, holding a child, counting down the minutes until someone relinquished me from such a duty. Now, after having children, I feel like there's some weird chemical inside of me that releases stupidity once I hold a baby. I throw all logic out the window and want to procreate.

Proof of my insanity. 

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you shouldn't have me near your babies. I say this as I'm on my way to go visit one actually (and she's a stinking cutie, by the way!). I need like a support group or something. Help! Please!!! Keep me away from your newborns. I don't need anymore children or these insane thoughts. Or maybe I could just get a puppy or something...

P.S. My sister is due with my first niece this September. I'm going to need to write like "No-more-babies" affirmations on my mirror or something!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

It's PURNEY! <--Yes, my name is legally this again.

I'm baaaaaack!!! I know it has been about a year since I've posted anything for the entire internet to troll through, but I was hesitant to post much after students found my blog. Yeah, seniors are pretty sneaky. I've got to figure out how to keep my blog public, yet not public enough for students to find it. Any suggestions are welcome! Also, like the title informs you all, I am back to Purney. Every single one of my friends told me they never even changed it from their phone, and that makes me smile, because I will always be Purney. Or purndog. Or JP. Or Smelly. Or Pruneybutt. The list goes on and on.

I've noticed that many people blog nowadays. What's irritating to me is that many of these blogs are so surface-level that it infuriates me. Where's the depth? The truth behind their life? What's the point of saying something when they have NOTHING to say? Call me a sadist, but I want to see the struggles of motherhood, the frustrations of working a 9-5, the difficulties in one's life. Not like crazy secrets or anything, but c'mon! Make it a little more juicy! Ha. I'm such a creep. 

Alrighty, I can only practice what I preach, right? So let me give you all a taste of what I've been up to this past year. I promise to be at least slightly juicy.

To be blunt, 2013 was real shitty. Like super shitty. The worst year of my life actually. I gained a ton of weight and was trying to figure out how to be a single mom. Then 2014 crept around, and a near and dear friend of the family flat out told me I had gained weight. I am SO HAPPY she did this. Everyone was kind of tip-toeing around the issue that I had 30+ pounds on my body. It was all around my stomach too, like a giant tire. Yuck. Anyways, this friend was like, "You're fat. I still love you, but I want you to be healthy."

I don't know why, but those words were all I needed. I immediately taught myself everything I could about a healthy lifestyle, and began working out 4-5 times a week. Within three months, I had dropped the excess weight and even won a competition at my work and an Advocare challenge. At this point, my confidence was boosted, and I was feeling pretty gosh-darn sexy. 

I signed up for Tinder (let the sneers and judgments begin--apparently this is mostly a hook-up dating app, but I thought, why not?) and started talking to gentleman callers. <--Hahaha this makes me feel like I'm a southern belle during the Civil War. Anywho, no one really caught my attention, until this cutie patootie messaged me--

Our first conversation :)

Christopher is thoughtful, sweet, musically-inclined, great with children, and most importantly, is patient and accepting of ME! He even helped chaperone Prom this year.

Gaaaaaaah, he makes me drool. Such a stud!
So, in a nutshell, my love life is going swimmingly. I recently visited his hometown in Ohio and absolutely LOVED it there, even though the mosquitos really took a liking to me!

Now, it's time to talk about the twins--I keep referring to them as babies, but they recently turned two and are turning into actual people. It absolutely blows my mind. Here are a few updates:

Favorite words: No, Mine, Peeeeez (please), Ooce (juice)
Atticus tests me every day and has done so since he was a newborn. He loves to steal toys from Everett, no matter what the toy be. He's suuuuper cuddly and constantly loves on me, hugs me, and forces me to kiss him. He likes to strip down naked and run around like a madman. He's also a little copycat and will repeat anything you say, so this limits my f-bombs and various other curse words. This little sassafrass is hard to discipline with his eyes and smile. He could totally get away with murder sometimes when he flashes that little grin!

Nekky Atticus refusing to let me clothe him
Favorite words: Mama, No, Aki (Atticus), Tank you, Baba (sippy cup)
Everett is such a quirky and independent little fellow. He's kind of drifted away from being clingy and enjoys his alone time. One time, Atticus walked up to him to try and play, and Everett pointed him away and said, "Go! Bye bye!" He's wicked smart and climbs on EVERYTHING. He's pretty fearless these days and is also mastering the fake-cry.

"I like to cry and then immediately stop once I realize no one is paying attention." 

They upgraded from high chairs to an actual table and chairs. ::insert Mama sobs::

I am trying to soak up all of the moments I can get while they're toddlers. Sometimes I get sucked into the "work" of it all, because trust me, it can be exhausting. Especially since I'm a stay-at-home Mom for the summer. What's next on our agenda for the boys? Well, we're working on transitioning into toddlers beds, which has been very difficult considering they engage with one another for HOURS in their bedroom. It's nearly impossible to get them to take a nap, but I'm hoping we get into the swing of things soon. Potty training is around the corner...but I'll definitely take my time until I know they're BOTH 100% ready. I honestly don't mind changing diapers for another year. (Oh, the perks of not being able to smell! Hehe)

I need suggestions for blog ideas! What do you want me to write about? Toddler mishaps? Cooking mistakes? Reviews on reality TV? C'mon people--tell me whatcha need. I'm feeling uninspired at the moment! Leave a comment or tell me on the facespace. ;)

LOVE YOU ALL! Byeeeeeeee